Mom Admits She Loves Her Youngest More, Then Confesses Why Her Oldest Pushes Her Away

Some confessions are so painful that people create anonymous accounts just to say them out loud.

Not because they expect sympathy, but because carrying the secret alone has become too heavy.

When the truth involves your own family, finding someone safe to talk to can feel almost impossible.

This woman admits she has reached a heartbreaking point in her relationship with her teenage son after years of feeling rejected, disrespected, and emotionally exhausted.

While her youngest child brings her joy with every hug and conversation, her oldest has become a source of constant tension, leaving her overwhelmed with guilt over how her feelings have changed.

She has told no one, fearing even her husband would judge her.

Scroll down to discover the full story and see how readers responded.

Mother quietly struggles with feelings she never expected to have

Mom Admits She Loves Her Youngest More, Then Confesses Why Her Oldest Pushes Her Away
not the actual photo

'I don't love my son anymore?'

I made this account just to make this confession, because I can't

tell anyone else / use my main account for it, knowing my

husband would probably find it and make it a whole issue.

I \[36F\] have two kids. My oldest son is 14 and my youngest is 7.

We're from a "normal" household, no drama that could affect

our kids, but somehow my oldest makes it his everyday routine

to make my life a living hell. He was diagnosed with Asperger's

as a child, and never was that sweet boy I yearned for so much.

He didn't like hugs, didn't say he loved me, didn't come for hugs

even when I offered, or did but very reluctantly and clearly

didn't enjoy it. As a teenager he became both moody and

outright disrespectful. He thinks he's owed everything, throws

tantrums over things that aren't even important, uses threats

and lies to get his way and simply doesn't care how others feel.

He's told me he hates me multiple times now, and I always

respond with "I love you". With time it kind of became my way to

spite him as I stopped feeling like I do.

My youngest is everything I ever wanted in a kid. He's bubbly and

sweet, outgoing and cuddly. He comes to me and tells me about

his day at school with such excitement I never heard from my

oldest in all those years. And I started to realize I don't love my

oldest son as much as I used to anymore,

I much prefer my little one.

It makes me feel like a failure as a mother, and I know my

husband would agree, which is why I can't tell him. I just want to

tell somebody so that I don't feel so alone with this thought.

Many parents imagine that love will always feel effortless, but real family life often challenges that belief.

Children grow into unique people with different personalities, needs, and ways of connecting.

When those differences become constant sources of conflict, some parents quietly begin grieving the relationship they thought they would have.

That grief can bring guilt, loneliness, and even fear of admitting thoughts they believe no loving parent should ever have.

In this story, the mother wasn’t simply comparing her two sons.

She was mourning years of emotional distance with her oldest while experiencing the warmth and affection she had always longed for through her youngest.

Her oldest son’s autism diagnosis, combined with adolescence, created communication barriers that left her feeling rejected again and again.

Every refused hug, every harsh word, and every conflict slowly chipped away at the emotional bond she desperately wanted to preserve.

At the same time, her younger son naturally expressed affection in ways that made parenting feel rewarding rather than exhausting.

Her confession is less about choosing one child over another than about acknowledging emotional burnout after years of feeling unloved.

Many readers immediately judge the mother for admitting she prefers one child, but another perspective is worth considering.

Parents are human beings whose emotional needs don’t disappear simply because they have children.

When a parent spends years giving affection that feels consistently rejected, the relationship can begin to resemble caregiver fatigue rather than ordinary parenting stress.

This doesn’t necessarily mean love has disappeared.

Instead, the emotional experience of love has become buried beneath disappointment, resentment, and grief.

Meanwhile, the younger child unintentionally provides emotional reciprocity, creating a powerful contrast that makes the older relationship feel even more painful.

Viewed through that lens, the mother’s confession sounds less like a declaration of failure and more like an expression of accumulated emotional exhaustion.

Her oldest son’s words and behaviors may genuinely wound her, while his neurological differences could also make it difficult for him to express affection in ways she instinctively recognizes.

Neither reality cancels out the other.

Both mother and son may be experiencing the same relationship as painful for entirely different reasons, each feeling misunderstood by the other.

Perhaps the most important lesson is that difficult emotions are not the same as permanent truths.

Feeling closer to one child during a painful season does not mean a parent is incapable of rebuilding another relationship.

With appropriate support, realistic expectations, and a deeper understanding of how different children express connection, even relationships marked by years of hurt can gradually develop into something healthier, even if they never resemble the ideal either person once imagined.

See what others had to share with OP:

These Redditors reassured the parent that difficult feelings can happen

hhkhkhkhk − I'm late diagnosed autistic, and I was a difficult

child for my non-autistic mother. Because of this, I really, really

don't want to have children because I cannot fathom raising

someone that was like me. I'm sending you virtual hugs!

teya33 − I don’t judge you for it. I think a lot of parents secretly

feel like this even if they don’t admit it. I’m not a parent but I

work very closely with people and I have sensed this in some

families with troublesome children.

It’s obviously important to never say this out loud to ANYONE,

which you clearly understand yourself, which is the point of this

whole post. It’s probably really hard to hide it in the way you

react/approach him. I’m wishing you a lot of patience, which you

seem to already have, and all the best.

Gnarly_314 − It is possible to have a love/hate relationship with

your child. A friend of mine has a son that has been 'difficult

since the day he was born'. He can be sweetness and light with

some people but violent, thieving, and down right unpleasant

with others. A therapist advised that the family should give him

more space and allow him to express his frustrations.

This led him to being even more obnoxious because he claimed

the therapist had given him permission to hit his parents and

siblings, he was allowed to take other people's property and

empty their purse. His parents split up and he has spent time

moving between the two of them whenever the mood takes him.

He has been in care, arrested, taken drugs, nearly lost his arm to

sepsis. His mother still loves him and wishes that there was

something she could do to help him, but now he is an adult she

does not allow him into her house.

Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do.

Seek out a therapist who can help your son and help you

understand his behaviour. This may not help you love him but it

could help you see why he behaves the way he does. You are not

a failure, just struggling with a difficult situation.

Historical-Rise-1156 − I think it is alright to say I love you but I

don’t like it when you do xxx tbh your son is having huge

hormonal surges with puberty affecting him which could make

his behaviour so much worse even though it is aggravating the

calmer you are will help to diffuse the anger.

I would encourage both of you to write a journal, not for sharing

but to give your voice a place to go. Or even write it down

electronically and then delete it because if your son ever heard

your words it would be devastating to you both. I wish you

grace, to overcome the challenges you are enduring and

strength to hold the line

Azami_mizami − You are also human. Please don't put on so

much pressure on yourself, especially when you've already tried

your hardest to love him

hy-sokka − Hi, totally understandable. In my perspective, love is

indeed conditional. Just because you're his mother doesn't

mean you could love him endlessly, especially when he's given

you tons of reasons not to.

But you have to understand that as his parent, you are

responsible for most of the things they do up until they are of

age (18+), so whether you like it or not, you're part of the reason

for his actions.

You can do it like this; don't stop supporting the child, show him

how you're there for him as a parent, but make him realize that

you do not tolerate anything from him anymore. Whether it's his

tanrums, his way of showing you he hates you, or whatever it is

that he does that you're tired of, tell him.

Tell him you don't understand why he's acting like that and what

does he actually want from you, (some just actually wants

attention, feeling babied, feeling heard or seen, even

understood) and whatever his answer may be, tell him that how

he's acting is not the way for him to get what he wants.

No one can force you to love your son if you actually don't feel

anything for him anymore. But you also can't force people to be

responsible for him just because you don't feel like doing it

anymore. (not saying you are) You have to take care of him until

he can fend for himself.

This is from the preference of an elementary teacher, so take it

with a grain of salt. Best wishes OP. :)

edamamebeano − In all honesty, even kids with aspergers need

love they also need structure and ownership of their mistakes.

Yes you love him less, I would probably too if I was him mom,

sounds exhausting. I love you im your mom and will always be,

but I dont like when you act like this.

The kids will behave the same with other aspects in his life,

friends, work, etc. So show the consequences. Im blunt though,

would even say that It makes it not easy to love you.

These commenters urged the parent to better understand autism through therapy, education, and support

Financial_Energy_869 − I would recommend either looking for a

help group for parents of neurodivergent children or maybe

starting therapy yourself. I know a few “problem children” who

went to a parent child therapy, and it seemed to have helped all

the children in their development. I don’t want to sound harsh

but it is definitely not the childs “job” to be a “good” child.

A child being “good” or behaving is the result of parenting skills

and the child feeling secure in their learned moral/behaviour

baseline. If you keep this situation going, your son’s future life

will almost certainly get a lot harder. I trust in that you actually

want the best for him even though you “don’t love him”.

It is our parents job to show us what unconditional love feels

and looks like, so we as humans develop secure attachment

styles. What you are doing right now is using the “I love you” as a

sort of weapon of spite.

After some time the fundamental understanding of what love is

will shift in your child and that can really really f__k someone up

for all of their life. I’m advocating for you to think about your

son’s future as you would the future of your younger one.

I’m not exaggerating in saying, you make the difference in if your

child will be able to love and be happy some day or maybe never

make true connections and develop dark dark thoughts. I know

it gets hard but having a child is a decision you and your husband

made and a burden you both chose.

It’s on you to do right by the child and be the bigger person, the

role model, the security in his life, no matter how stressful it

gets. I know plenty of parents that started hitting their children

and argue along the lines of “no one is at fault, there’s always

two people involved. ” But with a child that argument isn’t valid.

You as a parent have all the power over a child and it’s on you to

not abuse it through either physical or emotional violence. You

can certainly talk eye to eye in a therapeutical setting, but you

still have to keep your power over them in mind.

BeeGlad9822 − It is not your fault for feeling the way you do and

I am sorry you're going through this. It must be horrible to hear

from your own child that they hate you. However, as someone

who has a lot of people with autism in their lives, I wonder if you

have properly researched about it and how to deal with it?

Not intending to be mean with this, I just think it could be

helpful to read or get professional help with understanding his

side of things.

Because not wanting hugs is very normal for someone with

autism and doesn't mean they don't love you, and "throws

tantrums over things that aren't even important" there could

be things that are important to him that don't seem important

to a neurotypical person.

exiled-fox − He's a teenager, so it's natural for things to be a bit

bumpy and difficult. Maybe your youngest won't be as nice in

seven years as he is now.

I know I was a major PITA for my parents when I was a teenager,

but now we love each other and I understand the problem was

me, but also that I couldn't really do anything about it. You say

your kid was diagnosed but you don't say anything about what

you did about his special needs.

Maybe there's something that can be done to improve how he feels.

NP_release − You need to learn how to parent your child with

autism spectrum disorder. Can you take classes? Read some self

help books on the topic? There are so many ways you can  relate

to him and help him better communicate affection. I don’t know

if you’ve tried therapy but there are several modalities which can

help him improve.

The fact that you’re comparing your children and have a favorite

golden child is really concerning. THAT is your focus? ‘My second

kid is normal and gives me the affection I crave so he’s my fav. ’

Girl, I bet your oldest picks up on that and it further isolates him

and alienates him.

He’s probably going to go no contact with you when he comes of

age if you don’t shape up and make some changes in how you

treat him/ support his development. You don’t want to be

honest with your husband because you don’t want your husband

to think you’re a ‘failure.

’ The truth is you’re both failing your oldest son if you’re not

doing everything possible to help him. Calling him spoiled and

saying I love you to a kid who is telling you in every way shape

and form that he knows you’ve given up on him ain’t it.

This confession resonated with many readers because it explores a feeling few parents are willing to admit out loud.

Loving a child and enjoying the relationship with that child aren’t always the same thing, especially when years of conflict, rejection, and emotional exhaustion take their toll.

While many sympathized with the mother’s burnout, others worried that comparing her sons could deepen the divide if left unaddressed.

Do you think her feelings are an understandable response to years of struggle, or is she letting resentment overshadow her role as a parent?

What would you do in her situation? Share your thoughts below.